by Forrest Dawkins
What do you think of when you hear, “rite of passage” or “coming of age?” Perhaps some ancient ritual or indigenous practice. Maybe you think of modern day formalities such as getting a driver’s license, having access to a first smartphone, or starting a first job. As my oldest son approached the age of 13, my wife and I started thinking about how coming of age rituals are not neutral. Either the world will force our children to grow up, through mostly age-based responsibilities and privileges, or we could control and guide how our children approach adulthood, and make sure their rites of passage are filled with Biblical wisdom, beauty, and truth. We want to be responsible for our children’s path to adulthood, rather than trusting worldly rituals. I put together an evening for my son and a friend of his who was a similar age, to celebrate the entry into their teenage years.
In November 2023, I gathered five men around a campfire to speak to my oldest son Isaiah and his friend John. Isaiah had turned 13 in October of 2023. We ate steaks and talked to the boys about what it means to be walking into manhood. You could call this a rite of passage.
Last year, I read “The Intentional Father” by Jon Tyson, and in his book, he talked about how our culture has not done a sufficient job of leading boys into manhood. When I considered this I wanted my sons to have a rite of passage. I realized that if I did not bring my sons into manhood the world would do it for me. There is no neutral zone when considering this issue. Satan and his allies hate God’s image bearers and if they can malign and lead people into confusion they will do it. You can look around and see it everywhere.
After I read “The Intentional Father” I contacted these men. Most of the men I chose because they already knew Isaiah and they fit certain traits that I would like to see in my son. The traits I was looking for were: leadership, strength, entrepreneurship, pastoral, and humility. Each man took time to speak to Isaiah about the meaning of manhood and encouraged his growth.
Our first speaker was pastor Greg Christiansen. Greg was Isaiah’s Sunday School teacher; he is an elder, a businessman, and a man who has faithfully ministered to young people for decades. Greg spoke about wisdom and how Isaiah needs to pursue it. He continued to speak of the importance of the Word and how we are to show the love of God by sharing the gospel with others.
The second speaker was Mark Mulnix who spoke on humility. He spoke about his own life and how God worked in his life. He warned Isiah to be wary of his heart and to be a man of his word. Mark warned against having a sinful pet that you feed and grow, to execute this sinful pet and read from C.S Lewis’s “Great Divorce.”
The third speaker was Eric Hruby. Eric is Isaiah’s best friend’s dad, and a leader at Trail Life. Eric talked about weighing what you feel in your heart with what the Word says. The Bible will always trump what we feel. The Bible defines true masculinity and who God is. Eric did a great job pointing to God and how we can trust Him. He called Isaiah to action and to reject passivity.
Pastor Carter Brown, the Youth and Children’s Pastor at CHBC was our 4th speaker. Carter spoke about the generational benefits of Christian brotherhood. He spoke about the importance of how you interact with the community and let the Bible guide what that looks like. He also gave this advice, “A strong man is not threatened by someone disagreeing with him nor is he overly defensive when his view is questioned.” He finished by blessing Isaiah.
Lastly, I read a letter from Bryan Freese. I chose Bryan because he is a physically fit grandfather. I want to be like Bryan, and I want my son to see the importance of being a strong man. Bryan shared why he sees physical fitness as important throughout one’s life. Bryan then spoke about his family business and work ethic. He finished on the importance of church involvement.
I finished the night by speaking about 1 Corinthians 16:13. “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” We prayed for Isaiah and John that they would accept this call into manhood.
It was a great night, but it is only the beginning. The true work happens day in and day out in our home, at Cedar Heights on Sunday, and all the many other times that God affords. I hope that this will become a normal part of CHBC where we help one another lead our sons and daughters in maturity. I plan for Isaiah to be a part of his younger brothers’ similar gatherings when they are 13, and look forward to attending my grandsons’! My goal is to make a generational impact. It doesn’t have to look exactly like what we did back in November, but it is important to direct our children into adulthood holding onto the Word and wisdom we have learned along the way.